Over forty-two people watched the most recent Democratic debate and The Glorious American made sure our least tenured journalist was one of them.
Here are all the details you need for tomorrow’s water cooler talk:
For the bargain price of $200k per hour, MSNBC allowed Hunter Biden to operate camera 9 for the evening’s debate. Critics were quick to point out camera 9 was clearly unplugged and Hunter never showed up to operate it. The check will be mailed to his residence.
Elizabeth Warren was making a great case for her “2 cent” tax on billionaires. However, many moderates were disappointed to learn the tax will be 2 cents out of every 2.8 cents earned. Also, every American worker would be joining billionaires in paying it.
Democrats seemed to show a clear commitment to unify the far left voters and the crazy, super far-left voters. This kind of unity is really what the nation needs right now.
Debate Winners: All the candidates on the stage. It was a stroke of luck that not a single Democrat was asked a difficult question. That may seem like great news for Democrats but the inability to whittle down the field resulted in two more random people wandering onto the stage and joining the Presidential race.
Debate Losers: Human people with an IQ at/above 79. If you were a wind turbine or one of those self-order robot kiosks at McDonald’s, you had a great night with this debate. But if you were an American human person, sadly you were the clear loser in last night’s debate.