PLANO, TX– Doritos unveiled their new line of Socialist flavored chips on Friday. Beginning in August, your local grocery store will soon have the Socialism-themed flavors of “Street Dog,” “Wet Dumpster,” and “Zesty Rat.” “Our demo has spoken,” said Frito-Lay President Vivek Sankaran. “18-29-year-olds are so in love with this political movement we just know…

FOLSOM, CA–A Donkey outside of Sacramento has taken the courageous step to change his pronouns to he/haw. His name is Juniper, and he is now considered the most progressive jackass in all of California. A title previously held by ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel. Standing with a not-so-bright look on his face, and with much of his legs covered in…

NEW YORK — Since so many people stopped listening to AOC’s voice, she shrewdly decided to print Democrat talking points on her hiney.  It worked so well the Democrat National Committee embraced the innovative tactic and looked for more people to wear their slogans. And, boy, did they hit the jackpot.  In less than a…

CHICAGO, IL — On Wednesday, Chicago citizens (and non-citizens) decided they weren’t fond of being shot in the ass anymore, and Lori Lightfoot lost her reelection bid. In a bizarre concession speech, the bug-like creature announced she had grown tired of “inclusion” and said it would only socialize with people who look like…it. “For years…

CHICAGO, IL–“Ladies and gentlemen, we hear it from our customers all the time,” Dyson’s CEO James Dyson yelled into the microphone as he prepared to unveil the new line of vacuums to the whole company. “We want the sucking to be more powerful, our customers say!  Well, today we’re gonna deliver!  A level that sucks…