FOLSOM, CA–A Donkey outside of Sacramento has taken the courageous step to change his pronouns to he/haw. His name is Juniper, and he is now considered the most progressive jackass in all of California. A title previously held by ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel.
Standing with a not-so-bright look on his face, and with much of his legs covered in poop, Governor Gavin Newsom made the decision to drive to Juniper’s farm to celebrate the historic event.
“I’m told he kept saying ‘he/haw’ over and over. He was trying to tell society who he/haw is, dammit!” Newsom said fighting back tears. “He used that classic stubbornness for change, and now I hear every donkey in the state has also adopted these same pronouns. California taxpayers will be delighted to pay for the gender reassignment surgeries for all the donkeys of the world!”
Media members were in awe as they gazed at the historic, and smelly beast.
“I can’t believe Hillary Clinton came to this event!” a reporter yelled as they walked over to see Juniper. Once there, Juniper began a massive two-minute-long urination. This prompted much of the press to believe he/haw is mostly gender fluid.
Update: As expected, Newsom’s trip to the farm was not without a scandal. The Governor was caught trying to help his reelection campaign by bribing a barn spider to write ‘Some Lib’ in a pig’s stable doorway.
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