BOSTON, MA – In a recent survey of the nation’s children, rich folks not paying their fair share have leapfrogged monsters under the bed in their list of fears. “I used to sit in bed and be afraid of the boogeyman,” said 7-year-old Emily Trent. “But now I’m scared of the 1% skirting payment for…

BROOKLYN, NY — On Monday, the Alphabet People got a little too greedy and destroyed their entire movement by accidentally adding an “S” to include straight people “Well, dingleberries!” a flustered Anderson Cooper yelled on his CNN show, Cooper? Yuck, I Hardly Know Her. “I apologize for cursing just then, but we got carried away and…

WASHINGTON, DC — Immediately following President Trump’s joint session of Congress speech, the Democrats ushered notorious MS-13 gang member, Miguel ‘Bone Killer’ Lopez to the podium to give their official response. The networks had to bleep out a large percentage of Bone Killer’s remarks due to horrifying language, but it seems he demanded the abolishment…

WASHINGTON, DC — On Tuesday, Yankee Doodle testified in front of dozens of angry House Democrats. “We want to know exactly where he’s been sticking that feather!” Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez yelled to the crowd of reporters upon entering the Capitol building. Over the decades, Yankee Doodle has driven the left crazy with his overly flamboyant patriotism.…