While The Glorious American usually sticks to news, there are occasions when we feel responsible to use our enormous platform for public health announcements. This is just such an occasion. This week poison control centers around the nation have issued a handy tip should someone need to quickly induce vomiting. “We’ve found that looking at…
Category: Media & Tech
‘Shoot ‘Em In The Leg!’ Screams Joe Biden As Reporter Gets Too Close
Despite calling a lid until the day of his inauguration, a rascally reporter brazenly came within one hundred yards of Joe Biden on Tuesday. “Shoot ‘em in the leg!” Biden screamed as the man sprinted away in terror. “C’mon, man! Trying to ask me a question without my trusty teleprompter? Someone responsibly blast his leg…
The Sun Has Risen This Morning, Facebook Fact-Checkers Confirm
Earlier this morning, The Glorious American was on the verge of reporting a story that mentioned a beautiful sunrise. But the good folks over at Facebook prevented us from jumping the gun with that claim. At first, we published a glorious article titled: “We Hope Today’s SUN Isn’t Laundering Millions Into The Biden Crime Family…
New York Post’s Story Allowed To Run On Facebook After Agreeing To Replace “Hunter Biden” with “Don Jr.”
For all you conservatives who got all huffy about big tech censorship this week, you can relax. Today Facebook announced they have decided to allow the explosive New York Post story to be seen on their site. All that the publisher needed to do was replace the name “Hunter Biden” with the morally correct “Don…
Ben Shapiro To Guide Donald Trump’s Every Move Via Piggyback
Donald Trump has agreed to allow Ben Shapiro to hop on his back and guide his every move until Election Day, White House officials say. Should the President begin saying something unhelpful to his campaign, Shapiro will lovingly break a violin over his head. “Ben is very smart, he’s very lightweight and I hear he’s…