The morning after some mostly peaceful riots, which left hundreds dead, Minneapolis coffee shop owner, Jake McJacobson arrived at his shop to find it more damaged and mangled than Jerry Nadler’s belt. An oddly upbeat McJacobson recapped the morning. “I said, ‘What in the dickens happened here?’ It looks like the Democratic National Convention ripped…
Category: Law
Alaska Just Now Finding Out What’s Going On Down Here
Alaskans are just now learning about the horrifying hellscape of lawless carnage the lower 48 have gotten themselves into this year. “You hear about this? Apparently, the whole world is in some kind of trouble,” a bearded Alaskan man informed his friends upon getting a brief moment of cellular service. “It sounds like the beer…
L.A. Mayor To Slash Money From Police Budget, Colin Kaepernick Asks If He Can Have It
As the fires that consumed local businesses begin to die down, Los Angeles Mayor, Eric Garcetti believes the protestors deserve a special prize for their actions. That is why the mayor has announced a series of deep and swift cuts to the LAPD. Because Garcetti is a devout liberal and does not have a keen…
CNN Calls Trump Holding Bible ‘Troubling Footage’ As Split-Screen Shows Protestor Attack Crowd With Chainsaw
This week, CNN described Trump holding up the Bible as “troubling footage’. However, some astute viewers noticed that while Wolf Blitzer was describing Trump’s disturbing act, a man wielding a chainsaw was attacking a crowd of people. “Now I want to comment on what we’re looking at here,” Blitzer began. “But first, I want to…
Chris Cuomo: ‘Show Me The Law That Says Protesters Can’t Commit Assault’
School was in session Wednesday night as CNN’s Chris Cuomo informed his audience that there is no law prohibiting the protestors from committing assault. “Way too many people are noticing the looting and the violence and the assaults. And you know who’s whining about it the loudest? The elderly business owners who are in the…