In addition to hosting the most-watched show in television history, Tucker Carlson has been asked to conduct all FBI work moving forward without pay. The hundreds of agents within the bureau are pleased with this development because conducting investigations is “hard” and “super lame”. “If you get all caught up in gathering information, that’s a bunch…
Category: Law
Amy Coney Barrett Discovered To Be Sean Hannity
Despite conservatives knowing it was Sean Hannity all along, not a single one let the secret slip. “How’s that for wearing a mask?!” The Fox News host yelled to the Democrat Senators who were in shock. “Let not your heart be troubled, America. Consider the Supreme Count Hanitized forever!” Sean then zinged a football over…
CNN: Reporters Will Report On Biden Laptop If Reporters Report On It
There’s a wise old saying in journalism that was created over the weekend. It goes like this: “A true reporter must never sniff around the details of a story until another reporter has already done so. Unless that story is about a Republican. Then it’s all hands on deck.” CNN held firm to this creed over…
‘Shoot ‘Em In The Leg!’ Screams Joe Biden As Reporter Gets Too Close
Despite calling a lid until the day of his inauguration, a rascally reporter brazenly came within one hundred yards of Joe Biden on Tuesday. “Shoot ‘em in the leg!” Biden screamed as the man sprinted away in terror. “C’mon, man! Trying to ask me a question without my trusty teleprompter? Someone responsibly blast his leg…
Amy Coney Barrett Tells Democrats She Won’t Answer Questions Until After She’s Confirmed
Taking a page out of ol’ Joe Biden’s book, Amy Coney Barrett has informed Democrats that she is choosing to not answer their questions until after she’s confirmed. “I don’t blame you for asking me that question,” Barrett replied to Dick Durbin. “But the moment I answer that, my response will become the issue. And…