Over the weekend, fictional President Joe Biden set the ambitious goal of bringing the nation’s murder rate to pre-Black Lives Matter levels. Making the announcement in front of a burnt-down Target in Wisconsin, Biden again dazzled with his oratory skills. “My fellow Filipinos, have you seen the graph, for [explicit] sake? There’s like…a red line going like this [hand…
Category: Law
CIA: 'Poor Twerking Technique Biggest Threat To National Security'
Improper Twerking technique presents the gravest threat to the United States, according to a recent report from the Central Intelligent Agency. In the report, alarming levels of citizens in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s, 70’s, 80’s and 90’s are either not proficient in twerking or worse, they don’t know what it is and assume…
Victim Of Assault Quickly Removes Mask, Tricking Antifa To Call For Police
The next time you find yourself in a Democrat-run city, you’ll no doubt want to remember this trick for when you’re brutally assaulted. The brilliant life hack came from Sam Larson of Portland, Oregon. As Sam was being chased and beaten with a crowbar, he knew only the bravest and most intimidating force known to…
LeBron: ‘We're At The Point Where A Girl Can't Even Stab Her Friends Anymore’
With the country in disarray, Americans continue to turn to famed basketball dribbler and notable high school graduate LeBron James. Following an exhausting Lakers practice filled with gender pronoun drills and watching film (CNN), James issued a sobering reminder of how far this country has fallen in the wake of Donald Trump: “Ya know, it’s…
Juan Williams: ‘Why Do Police Keep Shooting Unarmed Gunmen?’
Over the weekend a lovable well-known Chicago drug dealer was going about his normal routine and, you guessed it, the police shot him. To make matters worse, conservatives pounced and pointed out that his routine was firing his illegal firearms at rival gang members. Regardless, this highlights a disturbing pattern of unarmed gunmen being killed,…