Over the weekend a lovable well-known Chicago drug dealer was going about his normal routine and, you guessed it, the police shot him. To make matters worse, conservatives pounced and pointed out that his routine was firing his illegal firearms at rival gang members. Regardless, this highlights a disturbing pattern of unarmed gunmen being killed, and FOX News’ Juan Williams is demanding answers.
“These policemen—forgive me policepersons, are seeking out our local unarmed gunmen and, for no reason, returning fire,” Williams said. “It seems every week we hear of a gunman trying to go about his day, getting milk or dealing heroin or completing some ruthless gang initiation and, like a moth to a flame, the police show up and demand he stops killing everyone.”
Joe Biden even chimed in on the pattern Juan Williams brilliantly outlined.
“You might be asking yourself, ‘is what’s happening in policing like Jim Crowe?’ No. ‘Well, it must be like Jim Eagle then, right?’ Wrong. What we’re seeing in policing is more like Dr. James Ostrich!” Biden yelled pounding the podium.
In the name of diversity, the Biden administration has committed to making unarmed gunmen represent half of his Cabinet.
Update: After a quick background check, it turns out most of his Cabinet already was. “Promises made, promises kept,” Biden yelled in celebration.