MINNEAPOLIS, MN — As we all know, Mike Lindell refuses to use any tangible object his company doesn’t sell. So it was noteworthy when the MyPillow CEO quietly added the MyShiv to his product line. “My client is accused of election questioning in the first degree. If he serves the full 95 years, he wants…
Category: Law
Officer Mistakenly Deploys LeBron James At Suspect
MARYLAND–A Baltimore policeman is learning the hard way that just because each officer is given a standard-issue LeBron James to handle all crime, they must be extremely careful on how they use it. “I swear, I thought it was my gun,” a rattled officer Davis said. “It all happened so fast. A middle-school girl demanded…
Merrick Garland: 'Mom Says You Guys Have To Stop Making Fun Of Me'
WASHINGTON, DC – Attorney General Merrick Garland offered a stiff warning to the 92% of Americans who believe the FBI is now a pathetic joke. “Quit it, guys, ok?! Mom says you guys have to stop making fun of me,” Garland said with his patented demeanor of strength and confidence. “You guys have to listen…
Portland Outlaws Fondue Fountains Claiming They Promote 'Dangerous' Trickle-Down Economic Theory
PORTLAND, OR — Portland City Council has officially outlawed all fondue fountains citing they promote the dangerous idea of trickle-down economics. As expected, many Portlanders are in favor of the ban. “As we all know, a person growing a business to the point where others experience employment opportunities is preposterous,” said Starbucks employee, Carly Nash.…