MINNEAPOLIS, MN — As we all know, Mike Lindell refuses to use any tangible object his company doesn’t sell. So it was noteworthy when the MyPillow CEO quietly added the MyShiv to his product line.
“My client is accused of election questioning in the first degree. If he serves the full 95 years, he wants to be prepared,” lawyer Alan Dershowitz said. “Oy vey, why couldn’t he have done something acceptable like murder or rape?”
On Friday, the FBI seemed to validate Lindell’s fears by placing an order for his ultra-comfortable MyGiza Dream Sheets. The same sheets they supplied for Jeffrey Epstein’s jail cell.
Based on early sales, the jagged MyShiv is proving to be a fantastic product.
“IN JOE BIDEN’S AMERICA, CRIMINALS EVERYWHERE ARE BUYING MY MYSHIV IN BULK!” Mike Lindell hollered in a recent ad. “USING PROMO CODE: ‘STFUFBI’, YOU CAN SAVE 50% ON A MYSHIV TODAY. BUT LEAVE AN EXTRA RUSTY ONE FOR OL’ MIKEY BECAUSE I MIGHT NEED IT FOR WHERE THEY’RE TRYING TO SEND ME!”
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[Headline & Humor Provided By @DistefaD. Follow Him On Twitter!]
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