Americans are beginning to worry about a Bernie Sanders presidency after the Vermont Senator announced his cabinet would consist of the hyenas from The Lion King. Naturally, GOP critics have been quick to point out the problem with dozens of carnivorous dogs running the executive branch. As criticism mounted, Sanders felt the pressure…
Category: Elections
Embarrassing! Elizabeth Warren Forgets to Begin Debate Answer With Made-up, Stupid Little Story
It was quite a gaffe from Elizabeth Warren on Friday night. In the recent Democratic debate, the Senator accidentally answered a moderator’s question without some made-up, stupid little story. As everyone knows, the long-standing Democrat tradition is to pretend that a recent exchange with a lowly peasant on the campaign trail showed them the answer…
DNC Instructs Pete Buttigieg to Just Claim He Won the 2020 General Election
In a puzzling move, the DNC has instructed Mayor Pete Buttigieg to go ahead and claim victory of the entire 2020 presidential election. “WOW! Can you believe it, you guys?!” Buttigieg yelled. “We just BEAT DONALD TRUMP!” the mayor proclaimed to a stunned New Hampshire crowd. Political pundits are praising the tactic citing that this…
Joe Biden Rages At DNC: “You Can Steal My Delegates, But You’ll Never Take My Leg Hair!”
With all the uncertainty surrounding the Iowa results, it appears the stress finally got to Joe Biden. “I won Iowa fair and square!” Biden screamed at media members. “Did those rats at the DNC forget I’m considered the white Obama?!” Joe seemed to snap when he angrily yelled: “You can steal my delegates, but you’ll…