Michael Bloomberg may be a bit too desperate to win the White House and it seems President Trump knows it. When Bloomberg made a recent trip through Washington, Trump ordered a staffer to place a “For Sale By Owner” sign on the White House lawn just as the New York billionaire’s limo was passing. As…
Category: Elections
Sanders’ Campaign Store Sells-Out of Official Bernie Weapons
Earlier this week, the Bernie Bros took a short, union-mandated break from harassing non-Sanders citizens to stock up on official Sanders weapons, only to find them all out-of-stock. “Oh, great!” Screamed 18-year-old Colton Andrews in Vermont. “First capitalism, and now the official Bernie weapons are sold out?” Colton is part of the vicious group of…
Bloomberg Somehow Retracts Head Into Suit Like Turtle Amid Debate Attacks
As many predicted, Michael Bloomberg was under siege by rival candidates during his first debate. But what wasn’t predicted was the billionaire’s ability to escape his ruckus environment by retracting his head down into his suit like a turtle. The attacks on Bloomberg began even before the MSNBC moderators could welcome the viewers to the…
Michael Bloomberg to Provide State-of-the-Art Press Robots to Hold Him Accountable
For those complaining that Michael Bloomberg has been avoiding the scrutiny of the press, you can relax. Today, the New York billionaire announced he is deploying his very own army of state-of-the-art press robots. “Should I ever need to be held accountable, these press-bots would step in and hold my feet to the fire,” Bloomberg…
Michael Avenatti Officially a Criminal, Clears Final Step to Become Democrat Presidential Candidate
After Michael Avenatti was declared a criminal, the media darling has cleared the important and final step for becoming a Democrat presidential candidate. As Avenatti was being walked from the courthouse to a squad car, he delivered this brief victory speech: “To those who doubted that this young man from northern California could one day…