Over the weekend, fictional President Joe Biden set the ambitious goal of bringing the nation’s murder rate to pre-Black Lives Matter levels. Making the announcement in front of a burnt-down Target in Wisconsin, Biden again dazzled with his oratory skills. “My fellow Filipinos, have you seen the graph, for [explicit] sake? There’s like…a red line going like this [hand…
Category: Biden
New Biden Stimulus Just Sheet Of Plywood
In what many are calling overly generous, the Biden administration is mailing struggling Americans a 2’ x 3’ sheet of plywood in place of stimulus cash. With plywood only days away from becoming more valuable than gold, the decision might be a brilliant one. “Jen, why plywood? Why not give Americans regular dollars?” a reporter…
Biden Inspires Confidence In Vaccine By Softly Weeping Over Misplacing His Mask For Five Seconds
Pfizer was not too happy with Joe Biden on Monday after he began softly weeping due to misplacing his trusty mask. Speaking at a ceremony intended to reduce vaccine hesitancy, a fully vaccinated Biden approached the podium and started to panic. “Oh, no. Son of a dog-faced pony, I can’t find my mask!” Biden screamed…
Big Tech Censors Joe Biden After He Admits He’s Unsure If He’s President
It’s not just right-wing satire sites that find themselves censored by big tech. On Thursday Facebook, Google and Twitter scrubbed all content from Joe Biden after he admitted he ‘wasn’t sure’ if he was the President. “It’s only the most dangerous and deranged members of society who don’t believe Joe Biden is President,” Mark Zuckerberg…
Biden’s Popularity Sparks Millions To Decorate With Wooden ‘Sniff, Tax, Rub’ Signs
Despite the objections of every husband in America, farmhouse-style ‘Live, Laugh, Love’ signs have spread into more homes than the deadly Coronavirus. Oddly, since the signs became an OSHA-mandated fixture in each house, living, laughing, and loving have reached all-time lows. But the timing couldn’t be better because the most popular President in American history has inspired…