WASHINGTON, D.C.–Another strict mandate was handed down from the White House, Saturday. But this one will only affect liberal democrats. Effective immediately, all prisons with inmates on death row will be required to keep them alive long enough to receive their booster shot. “Ya know, people say I’m not a logical man. But with this executive order,…
Category: Biden
White House: Vladimir Putin Pooped Joe Biden’s Pants, Likely To Reoffend
Washington, D.C. — Lately, America is learning the depths of Russia’s wrongdoings all over the place. On Thursday, Jen Psaki revealed that seventeen intelligence agencies have confirmed that it was Vladimir Putin who was responsible for pooping Joe Biden’s pants while visiting the Vatican. “Russia, in perhaps their stinkiest crime to date, purposefully soiled our…
Biden Comforts Ukrainians By Sending Them Large ‘No More Mean Tweets!’ Sign
KYIV, UKR– Since we’re told Joe Biden is a kind, grandfatherly type man, the fictional president is offering his classic warmth and comfort to the people in Ukraine. A transgender soldier has been sent to Kyiv to hold a large banner reading: ‘No More Mean Tweets!’ “I have given Ukraine a reminder that because of me,…
Biden Says He Will Fix Everything Towards The End Of His Second Term
WASHINGTON, D.C.– Finally some good news. On Thursday afternoon, Joe Biden announced that he is saving his fastball for the fall of 2027. “Listen, Jack, Trump left me with nowhere to go but down, so everyone stop being such a Doocy,” Biden snapped at the press. “But I’ll tell you this, everyone had better watch out, because…
Biden Goes Missing After Candace Owens Joins White House Press Corps
WASHINGTON, D.C.–As news broke that Candace Owens would be The Daily Wire‘s chief White House correspondent, so did the sliding glass door at Joe Biden’s Deleware home. As soon as the President heard the news, he reportedly screamed the F-word and ran straight through the glass door. “He’s incredibly slow and probably still on the…