WASHINGTON, D.C.–Another strict mandate was handed down from the White House, Saturday. But this one will only affect liberal democrats.
Effective immediately, all prisons with inmates on death row will be required to keep them alive long enough to receive their booster shot.
“Ya know, people say I’m not a logical man. But with this executive order, that criticism will end today,” Biden whispered into the camera. “As part of my build, back, beef, breakfast program, I will be mandating our most cherished democrat voters be kept alive until they get their booster.”
Then, an oddly emotional Biden stepped away from the microphone to compose himself. A few seconds later, Joe yelled out what was really on his heart.
“Ok, fine, you got me! I’m doing this for CornPop! This was a cheap gimmick to save my friend!” he tearfully screamed. “I would use a pardon on him, but when I broke wind at my inauguration and said ‘pardon me’, Ted Cruz told me that was my only one.”
Update: Days later, a doctor at Delaware State Penitentiary marveled at how toxic and ruthless the new lethal injection cocktail is. He was soon corrected as he was looking at one of the booster shots.
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