WASHINGTON, D.C.– Finally some good news.
On Thursday afternoon, Joe Biden announced that he is saving his fastball for the fall of 2027.
“Listen, Jack, Trump left me with nowhere to go but down, so everyone stop being such a Doocy,” Biden snapped at the press. “But I’ll tell you this, everyone had better watch out, because I am going to pick up steam. Get ready–I’ll show everyone serious steam!”
The media, being keenly aware of Biden’s steam, took a step backward and covered their noes.
“NO! Not that kinda steam, you sons of… Jim Eagle,” he yelled. “Now, um, where am I? Let me see. Oh yeah! I promise to fix everything towards the end of my second term.”
“Sir? You realize you’ll be 102 years old by then…will you have the energy?” a member of the press asked.
But Joe was unable to respond as he had curled up into a small ball on the floor for his nap.
Update: In order to wake Biden, a White House staffer yelled, “Who wants war?!”
Suddenly, the once dead-looking Joe sprung to his feet and did a somersault like Willy Wonka. He joyfully skipped into the Situation Room and ordered 10,000 more Americans be sent to fight.
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