Category: Biden
‘I’ll Handle This!’ Ray Epps Yells After His Favorite President’s Home Gets Raided By FBI
WASHINGTON, DC— On behalf of all Republicans, legitimate Trump supporter, Ray Epps has offered to charge the FBI offices in a rage-filled act of revenge. “Don’t worry! I’ll handle this, you guys! Tomorrow, I’ll go INTO the offices and fix this!” he yelled to several random guys. “I’ll go because I’ve got a reserved parking…
Mafia Renames Hideout ‘Hunter’s Laptop’ To Avoid FBI Suspicion
NETWORK, NJ– Desperate to stay off the Fed’s radar, the mob has scrapped the letters ‘AstroTurf Supply & Installation’ off their hideout and renamed it ‘Hunter’s Laptop.’ The storefront is located in Newark’s Westgate Shopping Center and the FBI refuses to come within fifty miles of the new shop. To show how safe the new…
Biden White House Tries To Redefine ‘Pedophile’
DELAWARE —The Biden White House has successfully lobbied Merriam-Webster’s dictionary to officially change the definition of the word: “pedophile.” A White House statement reads: “What is a pedophile? While some maintain that a pedophile is an adult who is sexually attracted to children, that is neither the official definition nor the way the men of…
Report: Biden Loses Will To Live After COVID Takes His Sense Of Smell
WASHINGTON, DC — An odd symptom of COVID-19 is the temporary loss of smell. Now that Joe Biden, has reportedly contracted the illness he told those close to him he would ‘rather die’ than suffer without his ability to sniff. “Ol’ sniffy means more to me than any other body part,” Biden told his staff. …