Hello, it’s me/zi/zoy, Libby McTardo again and I’m literally shaking right now. Why? I can’t believe I live in a world where a guy can cross state lines into the town of Killbasa and kill so many black people, and they let him go free? Have we learned nothing from Pink Floyd? How can I feel safe especially when I sometimes identify as African-American when I want to feel what racism feels like? And I know what it feels like because I went to Starbucks Free Wifi store one time, and they asked me to leave! Racists!!!
How did they let Reddenbocker get away with it? First, he shot a knife at Jacob Blake and killed him, then he spray paints confederate flags and swastikas on the walls of Killbasa, then he goes around acting like a doctor, telling people to drink bleach to fight the COVID, then Aaron Rodgers shows up, and he gives him that horse de-wormer, and he starts barfing everywhere. Gag!
After all that, he goes to a 24-hour gun show and trades in his illegal AR-14 (which my President Biden outlawed, by the way) for a giant AR-51 (which is just a modified bazooka), and then he mows down 30 black people who were only there to enjoy their campfires – those people love the outdoors you know. And you know Killbasa is the city of 10,000 lakes that never sleeps.
The truth is, there’s a white supremacist like Reddenbocker around every corner. It’s why I never go to IKEA. No offense, Germany. We know you’d never hurt anyone. Anyways, CNN tells me white supremacists have killed over a million black people each year combined! What part of that doesn’t make sense?
Like Hillary, I’m just identifying as real here. Ya feel me, right, dawgs? Now I gotta go… my main man, LeBron is giving a speech! He’s my most reliable source of information. Stay safe, Killbasa!
Libby is a brilliant Op-Ed contributor to The Glorious American. Please view her other work here:
- We Hear COVID Has Killed Thousands Of Women & Men. But What About The Other 62 Genders?
- Why New York’s Botched Mayoral Election Only Proves Elections Cannot Be Botched
- How Can You Call Me A ‘Limousine Liberal’ If I Drive The Audi Q8 My Dad Bought Me?
Give Us Story Ideas
