ST. LOUIS, MO—Earlier this year, Bud Light famously made the brilliant business decision to cease all marketing towards beer drinkers and instead focus on the fabulous new demo of show-tune-singing transvestites. A segment that makes up 00.002% of alcohol-aged Americans but oddly 71% of Junior Highers. Shockingly, this marketing campaign failed. “Our sales went down…

WASHINGTON, DC — Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez stunned viewers of her Instagram live broadcast Thursday night when she recounted her narrow escape from Titanic. The Congresswoman told the amazing story after narrowly surviving the January 6th riots despite being only three zip codes away. “I’ll never forget January 6th, you guys. It was like, the most cray-cray…

ATLANTA, GA — Last week’s company-wide diversity training may have backfired for beverage giant Coca-Cola after dozens of employees showed up for work on Thursday in full blackface. What’s now being referred to as ‘blackface Thursday,’ Coke HR reps admit the controversial face painting resulted from being told to be ‘less white’ on the training…

ENGLAND – In a touching story out of the UK, a female man-woman gave birth to its partner’s bi-gender trans-woman’s sperm donor’s mailman’s child. This birth is being called a scientific breakthrough because it sounds like roughly a dozen people were involved in the conception of the child. Friends and family rushed to the Hallmark…