OHIO – The White House has expressed its mild disapproval of Pete Buttigieg for starting dozens of massive explosions after the little perv learned the carnage inevitably attracts swarms of firemen. Pete’s latest sabotage happened in Miami, Ohio—a place the mayor assumed would have ‘the sexiest firemen in the Midwest.’ “Oh, for heaven’s sake! We’ve…
Category: U.S. News
‘This Is Kamala Country!’ Matt Walsh Viciously Attacked By Two Black Women In Rural Oklahoma
PERRY, OK — After being excommunicated from the Catholic Church for being catholic, Daily Wire host and gay walrus enthusiast Matt Walsh decided to take a weekend trip to decompress. Naturally, he went to rural Oklahoma to clear his mind. But his mini-vacation was anything but relaxing. Around 2 am, Walsh got one of his classic hankerings…
Hasbro Pressured To Add Small Accessory To All Mrs. Potato Head Sets
PAWTUCKET, RI– Hasbro has finally bowed to intense pressure from the Biden administration to enhance its beloved Mrs. Potato Head doll with a graphic little accessory. “We don’t want to say what it is—but all the parents are going to love it,” CEO Brian Goldner said in a creepy press conference. “I’ll just say, we believe…
Local Man Devoured By Mostly Peaceful Shark California Officials Say
SANTA MONICA, CA– On Sunday, Santa Monica swimmer Doug Patterson was eaten alive by a great white shark. Thankfully, California officials have confirmed that the 21-foot shark’s interactions with Patterson were mostly peaceful. “After consulting with marine biologists, we learned this shark went roughly eleven years of its life not devouring Doug Patterson, and then…
Ron DeSantis: 'After I'm Elected, I Will Fix All The Voter Fraud'
TALLAHASSEE, FL – Speaking on Fox New’s little-known show, Tucker? I Hardly Know Her, Ron DeSantis promised to deliver Republicans something they’ve not had in a while—their vote. “But first, I need all the votes to count before I can make them count again,” DeSantis clarified. “As the Governor of Florida, I had the authority to…