SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Golden State Warriors’ coach, Steve Kerr, had himself a delightful evening, totally surrounded by heavily armed men who also guarded single points of entry on Thursday. “Ohhhhhhhhh, what safety I feel here!” Kerr said while stretching on the bench. “All millionaires should enjoy this environment if you ask me! Even when I go…

LOS ANGELES, CA—During halftime of the Super Bowl, Rams quarterback, Matthew Stafford was served lawsuit paperwork from teammate Odell Beckham Jr. The 58-page lawsuit claims that seconds after Beckham Jr. completed a simple Slant Route, Stafford (a white male) failed to throw him the ball.  “Really?  In the wake of George Floyd, I have to put…

LOS ANGELES, CA–After the first few checks clear from his defamation winnings, sharp-shooter and all-around man’s man, Kyle Rittenhouse, has vowed to purchase the Los Angeles Lakers. This is terrible news for LeBron James.  Especially after the details found in the young billionaire’s press release. “Like the streets of Kenosha, I will purge all the…

NEW YORK, NY–“They can have the NFL or the WNBA. Not both,” Palmdale Platypus shooting guard, Shawnta Jackson wrote in an open letter to ESPN on Monday. “The NFL might be flying high in the ratings now, but wait until Americans learn they’re just a bunch of men focused on entertaining the masses,” Jackson writes. “Nothing about…

Famed basketball dribbler and distinguished high school graduate, LeBron James has tested positive for the little-known illness called “Coronavirus.” Naturally, the Los Angeles Lakers brought in Dr. Fauci—a man who’s famous for being skittish about being in the spotlight. “LeBron, I think perhaps, potentially you’ve—in certain circumstances, heard of me.  My name is Anthony Fauci,…