Famed basketball dribbler and distinguished high school graduate, LeBron James has tested positive for the little-known illness called “Coronavirus.”
Naturally, the Los Angeles Lakers brought in Dr. Fauci—a man who’s famous for being skittish about being in the spotlight.
“LeBron, I think perhaps, potentially you’ve—in certain circumstances, heard of me. My name is Anthony Fauci, but you can call me THE SCIENCE™,” the good doctor said to the basketball star. “I’ve been looking over your chart, and I believe you’re woefully deficient in the one physical activity that’s proven to prevent the spread of COVID. I am, of course, referring to rioting and looting.”
Uneasy with this advice, LeBron then did what came naturally to him. He flopped uncontrollably in his chair.
“Oh, good. Based on these wild convulsions, I see you’ve been triple vaxed. Excellent,” Fauci said.
Fauci then assured LeBron he has always looked out for “his people” and touted his African AIDS work. A program based on the doctor’s theory that the AIDS virus can be conquered via “love” and encouraged everyone to engage in rampant intercourse.
Update: LeBron is feeling much better after ransacking a Beverly Hills Louis Vuitton store.
[@DistefaD contributed to this article. Follow him on Twitter!]
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