DENVER, CO — Basketball fans may have watched the NBA Finals conclude on Monday night, but Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez saw something very different. Seconds after Denver defeated Miami, the often confused Congresswoman tweeted her apparent disgust. “Uhhh. Did I just watch a group of NBA players dismiss the heat? I’ve always believed that heat is a…
Category: Sports News
LeBron James Blames Lakers Playoff Exit On Cancel Culture
LOS ANGELES, CA — LeBron James is accusing all fifteen members of the Denver Nuggets of cancel culture after his Los Angeles Lakers were eliminated from the playoffs. “I now understand the toxic nature of cancel culture,” James told reporters. “You shouldn’t have your dreams stopped just because another group of guys wants you gone.” LeBron…
LeBron: 'We're At A Point Where We Can't Even Assault Subway Riders After Being Arrested 42 Times
El SEGUNDO, CA — With the country in disarray, Americans continue to turn to famed basketball dribbler and notable high school graduate LeBron James. Following an exhausting Lakers practice filled with gender pronoun drills and watching film (CNN), James issued a sobering reminder of how far this country has fallen in the wake of Donald…
Large Homeless Encampment Lands Major League Baseball Team
CALIFORNIA– On Monday, representatives from the largest homeless encampment in California announced the acquisition of a Major League baseball team. The massive tent city beat out Portland, Oregon, and Nashville, Tennessee, for the 31st professional baseball franchise. “We are proud to welcome the Tent City, Pile Dodgers!” MLB Commissioner, Rob Manfred, yelled into a paper…
NCAA: Trump U Destroys Crooked Hill College 145-44, Advance To Face Dominion Tech
HOUSTON, TX — Trump University easily beat Crooked Hill College Saturday night and has advanced to play Dominion Tech in the NCAA tournament. “I told these players if they joined our great school, they’d eventually get tired of winning, and that’s exactly what’s happening,” President Donald Trump said following the game. Crooked Hill entered the…