HOUSTON, TX — Trump University easily beat Crooked Hill College Saturday night and has advanced to play Dominion Tech in the NCAA tournament.
“I told these players if they joined our great school, they’d eventually get tired of winning, and that’s exactly what’s happening,” President Donald Trump said following the game.
Crooked Hill entered the game wearing their traditional pantsuit jerseys and a 99% chance of winning, according to the elite sports media. Their stunning loss has many powerful people crying and searching for answers.
“Both the referees were Russian, we assume,” Facebook’s Zuckerberg said, holding his busted bracket. “Therefore, no one will be allowed to share the box score of this game on our platform.”
TU’s win has propelled them to what their founder is calling ‘the fantastic, truly remarkable Final Four, if I’m being honest’ where a rested Dominion Technical Institute is waiting.
“I would say we’re a little concerned about Dominion, yes,” Trump said. “We’re hearing early scoring has already begun for that bunch. Frankly, they’re a total disgrace.”
Update: When TU wins the National Championship, they are demanding the song be updated to ‘One Shining Golden Moment’.
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