HOLLYWOOD, CA–Under the Biden administration, Americans have been reliably informed that biology is a white supremacist. Therefore, moviegoers’ demands have changed. So naturally, the White House is forcing Paramount Pictures to remake their 1997 film Titanic. A more historically accurate version is in the works with the elimination of the preposterous “women and children first”…
Category: Pop Culture
Jerry Nadler Named Finalist For 2023 Fashion Icon Award
PARIS, FRANCE — After decades of being snubbed, Rep. Jerry Nadler was finally recognized as a contender for the 2023 Fashion Icon Award. “Long overdue,” said E! fashion expert George Kotsiopoulos. “Modern style is increasingly edgy and groundbreaking, and Jerry has been keeping us on our heels for years.” When asked for clarification, Kotsiopoulos explained,…
'Wow, Those Borders Sure Look Secure' Biden Whispers Watching Jurassic Park
WASHINGTON, DC. –As word from the Costa Rica Government continues to detail the herd of bloodthirsty dinosaurs rampaging through Jurassic Park, the Biden administration still refuses to call it a crisis. “We’ve seen the reports, and we’ll continue to monitor the situation, but that theme park is still a beacon of safety and security,” Karine…
Alyssa Milano: ‘If Biden Had Ever Touched A Girl Inappropriately, There’d Be A Bunch Of Memes About It'
MALIBU, CA–This week Tucker Carlson rudely noticed that Joe Biden is a ferocious pervert who will stop at nothing to abuse young girls. This posed a problem for Alyssa Milano, the fictional president’s biggest fan. After Ashley Biden’s diary outlined how her father insisted on showering with her entire 5th-grade class, Milano found herself needing…
‘Keep It Up, And I’ll Deport Aladdin,’ DeSantis Tells Disney
ORLANDO, FL– If Disney keeps mouthing off, Ron DeSantis will move to deport Aladdin, the governor said Tuesday. “Last summer, I grabbed Disney’s precious tax exemptions like Arthur grabbed the sword in the stone, and I whipped that baby away,” DeSantis told the press. “And if Disney says any more stupid crap, we’ll march right…