After the horrifying crimes of Jeffery Epstein were revealed Monday, the Clintons did the super normal thing by scrambling to a computer to quickly write a detailed account of what they didn’t know. “What the waaaa?” Bill began the letter. “Jeffery WHO??” he continued on. It was then that Clippy, Microsoft’s virtual office assistant, knew…
Category: Media & Tech
Elizabeth Warren: "Like With The Buffalo, I Use Every Part Of The Debate Stage"
Elizabeth Warren was the star of Wednesday night’s debate, Democrats say. “Like with the buffalo, I use every part of the debate stage”, Warren said when asked how she dominated so easily. Warren continued, “With my talking points as my knife and my microphone as my shear, I was able to use everything possible to…
Unable To Grant Full Reparations, White People Opt To Extend $100 itunes Gift Card
Although the idea of offering reparations to Black Americans has picked up steam, it was recently decided such payments would not be made. However, the nation’s white people have agreed to offer the next best thing: a $100 itunes gift card. “We think this is a great compromise,” Alison Kimball of Green Bay told The…
Sean Hannity Delivers Monster Wedgie To Shep Smith
On Thursday Sean Hannity delivered a monster wedgie to colleague Shep Smith. The incident happened shortly after Smith’s show finished airing. Reports are Hannity stealthily snuck up behind Smith, quickly located the elastic band and executed what many are calling the best, most devastating wedgie ever delivered in the halls of the Fox News studios.…
Jim Acosta Children’s Book To Hit Shelves Next Week
Jim Acosta’s new children’s book, Trump’s an [EXPLICIT] and a Total [EXPLICIT] Idiot and a Total [EXPLICIT] [EXPLICIT] Who Needs to be Stopped, is set to hit bookstores next week. “I just knew I needed to share my creativity with our nation’s children,” Acosta said in a press release. “The book was supposed to center…