CHICAGO, IL— As Fictional President Joe Biden makes his way through Democrat-run cities, he has repeatedly been heard screaming, “I don’t need a ride, I need ammo!” as mobs of criminals chase him. In a recent visit to Chicago to congratulate Lori Lightfoot on its big surgery, Joe wandered off to look for ice cream…
Category: Biden
'Wow, Those Borders Sure Look Secure' Biden Whispers Watching Jurassic Park
WASHINGTON, DC. –As word from the Costa Rica Government continues to detail the herd of bloodthirsty dinosaurs rampaging through Jurassic Park, the Biden administration still refuses to call it a crisis. “We’ve seen the reports, and we’ll continue to monitor the situation, but that theme park is still a beacon of safety and security,” Karine…
Joe Biden Gives Staff 16 Hiding Places They Shouldn’t Look For Him During Hide-And-Seek Game
WASHINGTON, DC — Since Donald Trump left the White House, it’s been a long-standing tradition for the President and his college-aged staffers to play hide-and-seek on Thursdays. Sadly for Joe Biden, he is usually found immediately as he always hides his frail body under a small area rug. But now, he’s using the same brilliant negotiation tactics…
Alyssa Milano: ‘If Biden Had Ever Touched A Girl Inappropriately, There’d Be A Bunch Of Memes About It'
MALIBU, CA–This week Tucker Carlson rudely noticed that Joe Biden is a ferocious pervert who will stop at nothing to abuse young girls. This posed a problem for Alyssa Milano, the fictional president’s biggest fan. After Ashley Biden’s diary outlined how her father insisted on showering with her entire 5th-grade class, Milano found herself needing…
Little-Known Biden Staffer Encourages President To Give Speech On Psychotomimetic Trichotillomania
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A little-known and devastatingly handsome Biden staffer has convinced the president to address psychotomimetic trichotillomania, a rare and psychotic desire to pull out one’s hair. “Listen, Joe. A lotta people are saying you should be talking about psychotomimetic trichotillomania, ok? Frankly, if I’m honest, you’ve sorta choked with the whole economy,…