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Progressive Parents Threaten to Take 1 Year Off Earth’s 12-Year Habitability if Toys Not Picked Up

Progressive Parents Threaten to Take 1 Year Off Earth’s 12-Year Habitability if Toys Not Picked Up

Progressive parents, Jeremy and Naomi Wright of Fresno, California have had it with their three-year-old, Evelyn. Reports are Evelyn will not clean up her toys no matter what new-aged tactic they try.

“We’ve tried sending her negative thoughts, freezing her Rolling Stone subscription—everything!” said an exasperated Naomi.Finally, the Wrights made the shocking threat of removing one year off of Earth’s twelve remaining years if those toys are not picked up.“I know many are alarmed at this but I’ve just had it up to here. And when I say ‘here’ I mean as high as the tide in Fresno will be in 12 years.”

Jeremy said with his arm over his head.Before our reporters left their home, Evelyn was asked another time if she would clean up her toys. Evelyn didn’t answer but instead delivered a long menacing look at her father.“You wanna make it ten years? Nine? Keep it up!” Jeremy yelled.