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Nancy Pelosi Reminds Press That if Any of Them Call Her Unstable She’ll ‘Rip Their Face Off’

Nancy Pelosi Reminds Press That if Any of Them Call Her Unstable She’ll ‘Rip Their Face Off’

On Thursday Speaker Nancy Pelosi reminded the press why none of them should ever call her “unstable.”

“Because I’ll literally rip YOUR FACE OFF!” Pelosi screamed as she leapt forward to strangle reporter James Rosen.

Thankfully her aids caught her mid-air before she could destroy him.

“You see?!” Rosen yelled back. “This is what we’re talking about! You tell us you’re in control, but you always lunge at us and say you’ll claw our eyes out!”

Still struggling to free herself from her aids, Pelosi screamed, “You don’t think I’m an even-keeled kinda gal?! GET ME MY BLOWTORCH!”

Several members of law enforcement eventually hogtied Pelosi. Capitol Police told The Glorious American 50 ccs of elephant tranquilizer was always kept on-hand for all her press conferences.

Seconds after the drug was administered, Pelosi could be heard whispering, “I’ll pray for you,” with one hand outstretched towards the members of the press.