Ancestry.com Will Now Remove Any Traces Of White Lineage For Additional $89

Ancestry.com Will Now Remove Any Traces Of White Lineage For Additional $89

The folks who run Ancestry.com continue to rack up federal hate crimes by telling their customers they come from white people. By far the most heinous insult known to man.

To correct this, a new option on Ancestary.com called ‘whitewash’ is available. This upgrade will remove any trace of your white lineage for an additional $89. 

Normally, a person’s lineage is populated on Ancestry.com by answering a series of questions and mailing in a stool sample. However, to take advantage of Whitewash, one must only email a copy of their Democrat voting registration card. The software will take over from there.

So far the feature is a massive hit.

“I would have paid thousands for this upgrade,” Lilly McCrackers wrote in her 5-star review. “Now when I scroll through my rich African-American lineage, I never have to see any white devils like my dad or Uncle Peter. Instead, I get to gaze at pictures of my grandma Chifundo and her mother, [Clicking Sound].”

Users of the $89 upgrade also get the benefit of knowing their non-white ancestors never entangled themselves in any war, atrocities, or Seinfeld reruns.

Update: There are some Ancestry.com users who have not opted to scrub away their white heritage with the upgrade. The Department Of Homeland Security has placed them on the no-fly list and is closely monitoring their phone and email conversations.

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