On Wednesday Democrats were devastated to learn a pack of wolves attacked both their first and second whistleblowers. However, Committee Chairman, Adam Schiff assured the nation he has plenty of whistleblowers if need be.
“Representative Schiff, reports are that those were the only two staffers who listened to the Ukraine call. What now?” A member of the press asked.
“You just leave that to me,” Schiff said creeping everyone out.
The other news of the day was Republicans protested that Schiff and the Democrats were holding all impeachment meetings in a highly secure, barricaded layer in the Capitol Building.
“This is outrageous!” Florida Representative Matt Gaetz was heard yelling. “Republicans have a right to be a part of this process! Let us down there!”
Moments later, Schiff slinked out of the door wheeling a pale, hairless person dripping in goop.
“What. What am I?” the person in the wheelchair asked Schiff in a frightened tone.
“Remember?” Schiff whispered back. “Orange man bad. That’s all you need.”
As Schiff wheeled the person up to the press he loudly yelled, “Goodness gracious! We’ve found another whistleblower!” He went on to tell the press that because of this new whistleblower, he feels the walls are now really closing in on Trump.