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Joe Biden: ‘I Will Protect Americans! Unless It’s Naptime’

Joe Biden: ‘I Will Protect Americans! Unless It’s Naptime’

As the need for law and order becomes a major concern for Americans, presidential hopeful, Joe Biden has delivered the following promise:

“I will protect Americans!  Unless it’s naptime.”

“C’mon man.  You think you’ll see this type of looting and riff-raff once I appoint Corn Pop as Secretary of Violence?” the former VP explained.  “Furthermore, there’s an old Delaware saying that goes, ‘the centipede is only a sniff away from the pleasure of your dentist’ and I believe that now more than ever.”

Biden went on to explain that the people in charge of his every word assure him that he possesses the leadership this nation needs.

Flash polling only shows 1% of suburban moms are in favor of Biden’s statement, but 99% of those same moms would immediately vote for any Democrat should Trump ever tweet something mean.

Violent criminals, who are the Democrats most loyal supporters, are sympathetic towards Biden’s pledge for law and order.

“I feel for the guy, but we’re just doing our job,” said one Brooklyn protestor swinging a large two-by-four into a T.J. Maxx.  “But I like his spirit of compromise.  If he naps from like 3pm to 3am then I think we should be ok with ol’ Joe.”