Yesterday the New York Times finally addressed Joe Biden’s sexual allegations with an article titled, “Is Joe Biden The Serial Rapist We Need To Defeat Trump? Yes.” The headline was such a hit, no one even bothered to read the story. Something the Glorious American knows nothing about. Regardless, the article forced Joe Biden into making a statement concerning the allegations.
“Here’s the deal, ya pack of yellow-bellied yam… yankers,” Joe Biden said into a camera. The opening line of his statement was supposed to be my fellow Americans, but all things considered, his campaign staff was pleased with the solid start.
“I hear ya’ll have been listening to this woman who claimed I…” Then Biden went on such a graphic retelling of the accusation, every single network except BET had to dump the feed. Half of campaign staffers were scrambling to reestablish the TV connections while the other half were frantically looking up much of the terminology Joe used on urbandictionary.com. It was total chaos until the networks finally agreed to continue airing Biden’s statement.
“I just want to say the accusations against me…are true.”
Every member of the Biden team was in shock as they were prepared for him to read the prepared statement denying the charges.
“Furthermore, I want to let each and every American know…IT WAS CORN POP WHO MADE ME DO IT!” Biden screamed before running off set and leaping through a glass window. As he was eventually being wrestled to the ground, Joe kept screaming how Corn Pop, even with his army of dog-faced pony soldiers, would never take down his dream of becoming the UN Senator.