As it turns out, the Democrats do care about stopping the riots. New warning signs have been spotted around big cities, which seem intended to slow the looting and destruction.
“Warning: Rioting May Hurt Democrats In Polls” the signs read.
For some strange reason, all the CNN hosts brought a massive amount of attention to the signs.
“You know what, folks? Important media members like myself get to see special polling data. Not the stupid polls we show you idiots,” Don Lemon said on his nightly show Trust Me, Or You’re Racist. “And all I can tell you about the special polls is STOP RIOTING! NOW!” he screamed standing up and pounding the table.
Lemon, who was now crying, explained how vicious rioting and looting was the brave and decent thing to do for the last 100 days. But now, “real politicians are suffering,” he pleaded. “Look deep in your heart. Do you really want to see liberal Democrats harmed by these lawless barbarians? Liberals created these rioters! It would be like raising a dog only to have it maul you.”
Update: Upon seeing the ‘special polls’ Chris Cuomo was forced to halt the grand opening of “Rootin’ Tootin’ Lootin’”. A passion project of Chris’ designed to be the one-stop-shop retail store for all rioting equipment.