During the peak of Antifa’s peaceful attack on America, President Trump announced that they would be designated a terrorist organization.
Not so fast, Donald.
In a well-oiled press conference held at their Portland headquarters, Antifa made an official announcement that could foil the president’s plans.
“We’d like to welcome all you corporatists, Nazi sympathizers, and even the rat bastards who took the time to attend our important announcement today,” Anonymous #1 told the press. “We just want everyone to know, it is Antifa’s official position that we are not an organization. To quote Obama, ‘that’s not who we are.’ And I assure you, if any Antifa member tells you otherwise, they will be demoted, stripped of their crowbar and docked a week’s pay.”
Then a reporter (who apparently had a death wish) challenged the leader’s statements and held up several documents that showed they were, in fact, a well-run organization. “I’ve got documents, tax records, and hell—we’re in a building with the words ‘Antifa Headquarters’ on the front!” he yelled.
After Anonymous #2 took a glance at the documents, he informed everyone that those were counterfeit. “Those aren’t real because that’s not our official letterhead, so nice try,” he said dismissively.
Update: That reporter was promptly thrown into Antifa’s mobile wood chipper.