Looks like the American people are once again demonstrating their warmth and generosity. A new poll shows that a whopping 97% of them agree that the nurses who did those ‘annoying TikTok videos’ should receive the COVID vaccines first.
“Oh, by all means, let’s give it to those nurses who were apparently so overloaded with COVID victims but still had time to choreograph those dances!” said bankrupt restaurant owner, Doug Larson. “I want them to get it first! Good and hard!”
And Doug’s unselfishness might be rubbing off on the nurses, as many frontline workers are now growing reluctant about receiving the first vaccines.
“On second thought, who are we to get this first?” said dancing nurse Emily Mills after watching footage of her coworkers slip into unconsciousness and foam from the mouth after their dosage.
“Oh! You know who’s gotten a raw deal? Black people! So I think they should get it first because of…umm racism!”
But despite nurse Emily’s screams of gratitude, many unemployed Americans worked together to hold down her and the rest of her dance team, The Hip-Hop COVID Sugar Squad as they received the super-safe vaccine.
So it looks like our global pandemic will have a silver lining in the end. The brave frontline workers, who shouted for all Americans to stand back and watch the economy collapse, are now screaming with joys as the fruits of Big Pharma flow through their veins.
God bless every hair on their heads (and the hair that’s now growing on their palms)