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Candidates Now Blame Poor Performance On Marianne Williamson Giving Them A Contact High

Candidates Now Blame Poor Performance On Marianne Williamson Giving Them A Contact High

As the dust settles from Tuesday’s Democratic debate, many of the candidates feel they need to answer for their poor performances.

“It was that damn kook Williamson!” Tim Ryan exclaimed. “She was baked outta her mind and gave us all a contact high!”

Ryan’s claim, as odd as it sounds, is not being dismissed. Many of the candidates were scarfing down Fritos during commercial break and were seen sending interns on Taco Bell runs.

While the claim that Williamson gave everyone on stage a contact high is too difficult to prove at this point, many Americans believe being completely blitzed is the only explanation to the policies that were shared.

“It was bizarre,” Jake Tapper told The Glorious American. “You had several of the Democrats explaining how free healthcare and open borders is not fiscally responsible. You had Bernie Sanders just yelling about everything—actually, that was normal,” Tapper concluded.

When Elizabeth Warren was asked if the reason she came off as angry, irresponsible, socialist, hack crybaby was because Williamson’s thick plume of smoke wafted her way, Warren replied “What? Oh yeah. I am super acceptable to middle America, it was just all that stankweed probably.”