While speaking at a picnic in Ohio concerning our nation’s health crisis, Joe Biden appeared to pull out a large ‘bat sandwich’ from his basket. As the crowd shrieked in horror, the former VP sniffed the sandwich and smacked his lips in anticipation.
“Oh, for crying out loud. It’s nothing you haven’t seen before!” he snapped. “It’s this damn belt— it’s defective!” he said fumbling with his pants.
“NO! Joe, your pants are on fine!” a flabbergasted staffer yelled back. “They’re screaming because your sandwich has a [Explicit] bat in it! Where did you get that?!”
“Listen Jack, you’re not talking about the issues that people care about,” a frustrated Biden yelled back. His staffer, eyes still fixated on the bat replied, “Actually, Mr. Biden, the issue of you preparing to eat a bat is the issue that the voters want to focus on–believe me.”
“Hey! The fact of the matter is, I’m Joseph R. Biden and I’m running for the UN Senate. Now, if you excuse me I’m going to chow down on this delicious bat sandwich and if you don’t like it, you can vote for the other Biden!” he yelled into the microphone.
Just then, the bat wiggled free from the sourdough rolls and began flying around the crowd. In between the sound of gunshots, people could be heard screaming for their lives. Biden slowly laid down on the stage for a nap. The event was largely considered the most successful Biden campaign stop in months.