Per DNC rules, the member who is screwing up things the most will be the party’s leader. This means that as New York’s dreadful, coronavirus results pour in, Governor Andrew Cuomo has catapulted into Democrats’ number one choice for president.
“Wow, I’m absolutely honored,” Cuomo said in a gigantic ceremony while his state dissolved into utter chaos. “Although, I can’t say I’m surprised. In October when the New York department health warned me they were woefully underserved with ventilators, I knew what I had to do; spend a bunch of money on solar energy crap.”
While Cuomo’s speech was very touching and brought many of his fellow democrats to tears, a belligerent Joe Biden rudely interrupted it.
“Awe, hogwash!” Biden shouted. “If I were running the show I could have ten times the carnage as Andrew!” As an uncomfortable feeling began to set in on the ceremony attendees, Biden launched the most offensive and vulgar insult he could think of. “THIS IS A BUNCH OF MALARKEY!”
As everyone gasped in disbelief, Cuomo tried to settle things down.
“Now, Joe. You know the rules. Whoever’s doing the best by democrat standards is the winner.” Cuomo replied. However, because the sound of sirens, gunshots, and screams of despair were now starting to overpower the ceremony, the Governor had to speak up to be heard. “I SAID WHICHEVER DEMOCRAT IS DOING THE BEST WINS!”