The Fox News Channel is now claiming they have been forced to stop reporting honest news after a pipe burst in their New York headquarters.
As of yet, no plumbing issue has been found, but the network is sure it’s somewhere in the building. Lurking.
“We saw this in the Atlanta Arena on election night, and most of the people were swept away in raw sewage,” Brett Baier told his audience. “So we feel it’s our duty at Fox to stop reporting what’s going on. We need to gather ourselves, make a few calls to China, and figure this whole thing out.”
Their announcement came shortly after Newsmax beat FNC in the ratings, and panic set in with Fox personnel.
“Oh, heavens, no! My show is down 72% in the ratings—and that means a pipe probably burst, and there’s water pouring into the building!” Neil Cavuto screamed, running through the halls. “We must STOP reporting the news and supplement it with a series of approved narratives. Or else we’ll all drown in poop!”
Experts in Washington fear that broken pipes will play a significant role in Joe Biden’s administration.
“Christmas, small business, proper schools–anything Democrats don’t like will probably be stopped due to a busted pipe,” Nancy Pelosi explained. “Yeah, it’s definitely going to be a bad few years for Americans—I mean pipes!”
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