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Nighttime photo from space shows Gavin Newsom’s progress with California

Nighttime photo from space shows Gavin Newsom’s progress with California

California remained without power on Thursday as Governor Gavin Newsom’s master plan for the state comes to fruition.

For two days straight, a major power outage rocked the state leaving only parts of Sacramento and the Governor’s mansion with electricity.

The outages are said to prevent forest fires. “But more importantly, we hope our actions are seen as a sacrifice to the climate gods”, Governor Newsom added.

Experts insist the forced outages are unnecessary and continually advocate for brush-clearing, a practice that removes the fuel for forest fires.

But Newsom, a long-time opponent of brush clearing, agreed with PG&E’s decision that simply pulling the cord on millions of Californians would be far more dramatic. Also, as a bonus, millions of Californians would get the honor of living like a third-world country.

In his well-lit Governor’s mansion, Newsom offered more of his thoughts on the issue to The Glorious American. “If a four or five-week power outage can help just one person be safe from a forest fire, I think it’s worth it,” he said before quickly correcting himself. “And by person, I mean person of color. Make sure you write down that I said person of color.”

While most California residents are angered by the outages, Newsom was in a delightful mood and insisted we view a monitor showing a satellite image of America. “Check this out!” he said enthusiastically. “You see California? You see it? HA! NEITHER CAN I!” he cackled throwing his head back.

After muttering something about how “it’s all going as planned,” while wringing his hands, Newsom denied our reporters’ request to charge their phones before leaving.

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