OTTAWA, Canada—As many predicted years ago, truck drivers are overthrowing the Canadian government. And, in a desperate attempt to remove that story from the spotlight, Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau demanded all brown and black bears be scrubbed so as to be sure they aren’t secretly Polar Bears wearing blackface.
“I’m on record of hating blackface more than anyone,” Trudeau said from a hidden location. “And even I forgot and accidentally did it over a dozen times. So no, bears are not above suspicion with this act. And remember, you guys, this is the most important issue happening in Canada right now.”
While Operation Bigot Bear, or OBB, is less than a day old, Canadian officials have already bathed and blow-dried three adult black bears.
“We were fully prepared to learn just how racist these animals are, but so far, no matter how fishy it seems, they seem to be authentically black, just like Obama. Also, these bears absolutely love being scrubbed like this! They think OBB is some kind of joke!” the director told The Glorious American. “They’re truly sick animals.”
Despite nine officials being mauled to death, polling reveals 12% of Canadians approve of the policy, making it the most popular program ever enacted by Justin Trudeau.
“When I’ve finished ridding Canada of all the racist bears, the world will be a better place for all mankind,” Trudeau said before dramatically correcting himself. “No. Make that peoplekind.”
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