SARASOTA, FL– Americans knew it was a very ominous sign when Hurricane Ian began approaching the Ease Coast the way Rosie O’Donnell waddles towards a buffet table.
Soon it was clear there was only one option left to stop the great storm: Ron DeSantis ordered his staff to dig through the Hurricane’s social media accounts furiously.
“We must implement the most tried-and-true method possible when someone needs to be stopped,” DeSantis said. “And we’ll keep digging until Ian is stopped.”
Around 8:50 EST, the governor’s team broke the news that Hurricane Ian had sent some tweets in 2009 that were sure to outrage the media.
“I LOVE Blazing Saddles! HILARIOUS!” read a tweet sent over a decade ago.
But perhaps the most damning tweet was only a month old. Hurricane Ian tweeted, “I’m leaving Africa. Again.”
“Can you believe this Hurricane? I’m leaving Africa? Why? Just because that’s where Obama was born?” Rachel Maddow screamed.
When CNN’s Don Lemon saw the tweets, he slowly looked at the camera, made a dramatic pause, and said, “Ladies and gentlemen, your hurricane… is a racist.” Something he’s never said before.
As the outage reached a fever pitch, the National Weather Service began seeing indications the Hurricane was trying to avoid hysteria by heading back towards the mid-Atlantic.
Anderson Cooper, who was live on the Florida coast, threw his microphone, tore off his shirt, and screamed, “Oh, HELL no! That hurricane’s not getting off that easy!” as he ran into the ocean apparently trying to physically catch the storm.
UPDATE: As it becomes apparent the Hurricane is avoiding the outrage machine, the phrase #GetBackHere has begun trending on Twitter.
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