WASHINGTON, D.C.— Ukrainians are finding hundreds of Hunter Biden’s discarded weapons strewn about the frozen terrain—a telltale sign the president’s son had been there.
“As always, this administration was wise enough to plan ahead,” Karine Jean-Pierre proudly said, finally able to paint one of Hunter’s war crimes in a positive light. “Because of the way Joe raised his children, the Ukrainian people can now obtain a firearm by simply finding which hotel room Hunter stayed in and looking under the sofa or in a desk drawer. Hunter made countless trips to Ukraine to peddle influ–, I mean run the oil industry, so there should be plenty of guns for everyone.”
As the people collect the guns, a Ukrainian can often be heard yelling, “Hey! This one’s still warm!”
“This means Hunter is near,” a wise, elderly man will explain.
Update: The White House is also taking a victory lap for providing the endless supply of crackpipes and laptops to the Eastern European country.
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