CHAPPAQUA, NY– America’s favorite sweetheart, Hillary Clinton issued a helpful reminder for those concerned for the Ukrainian people.
“Remember, the Eurekaians, or whoever, need cash. Tons of cash. And who better to funnel the funds to the right place than the Clinton Foundation?” the great beast said Thursday. “And if you’re writing a check, just write ‘pantsuit’ in the memo line. They’ll know what it means.”
The reminder was especially helpful for the US Congress, who recently wrote a check for $7.8 trillion made out to ‘LET’S DO WAR!’
“We totally forgot where to mail it, so God bless Hillary for steering us in the right direction,” Kevin McCarthy said. “I might disagree with the woman, but I will defend to the death her right to collect humanitarian aid with no oversight.”
Once the US Treasury redirected the $7.8 trillion to the Clinton Foundation, Hillary was ecstatic.
“The timing couldn’t be better. We’re installing a server farm in our bathroom, so we need all the mone—I mean my heart breaks for the, uh…Ugandans. I just worry it’s not nearly enough.”
Update: When the Ukrainian refugees were told they would be receiving no money, a displaced, elderly woman cried out to the Clintons, “Who will wipe away our tears?”
Hillary responded with, “What? With like a cloth?”
Give Us Story Ideas
