RIO GRAND CITY, TX –The disappointments keep on coming for Pete Buttigieg. First, he’s told to go play with trains when he actually wanted to be America’s queen bee, and now it seems he’s missed all the whippings going on at the border.
“Yes, excuse me, good sir? I was delighted to hear you’re handing out whippings upon tushies. Is this true?” Pete asked the busy agents. “So without further ado, may I present the finest hiney in all of South Bend, Indiana. Well, at least the finest south of the Popeye’s Chicken on Roseland Ave.”
“Get outta here, Pete!” a homophobic border agent yelled at Buttigieg. “We’re not whipping anybody, you freak. What’s the matter with you?”
“What? Am I being bad? Very, very bad?” Pete asked while presenting the agents with the finest hiney south of the Popeye’s Chicken on Roseland Ave.
Soon Pete’s disappointment turned to rage as he became offended at the way he was being treated.
“Excuse me!” he yelled while snapping in a Z formation. “I am the United States Secretary of Transportation! So please– address me as Chickadee Von Pooferson!”
The agents apologized and began to leave.
“Leave the horse,” Buttigieg said.
“NO!” they screamed back.
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