WASHINGTON, D.C.–If Vladimir Putin doesn’t shape up, Joe Biden is considering sending a few thousand of our military’s most vaccinated, pregnant, woke, diverse soldiers to Eastern Europe.
Biden’s top military advisors (most of whom were former shift managers at Forever 21) warn that these elite fighters might be too much for the Russian army to handle.
“They check so many SJW boxes, it wouldn’t be a fair fight,” Jen Psaki told the press. “These soldiers need to be deployed only in the rarest circumstances. They’re NOT just objects! Oh—I forgot to mention, there’s an Asian one, a black one, and a native American one! So badass, right?”
But because Washington elites became so starved for war under Donald Trump, they’ve overruled Biden’s advisors, and Operation Spice Girls was executed.
“Why? Why did the Americans send us these horribly unhealthy women?” Putin asked in an angry statement to NATO. “All of their hearts are the size of volleyballs. Why did Joe Biden send us a WNBA team? There must be some mistake. We cannot care for these sluggish wildebeests! And they each crashed landed their jets into many residential homes!”
After hearing Vladimir Putin reject Operation Spice Girls and their mission to destroy Russia, Liz Cheney called his remarks “deeply unamerican.”
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