Ever since ISIS landed their big sponsorship deal with Kellogg’s cereal, ‘ISIS-K’ has been acting super cocky. It’s making our fictional president look weak and he’s had enough.
So two weeks ago Joe Biden decided to endear himself to the compassionate left-wing by randomly blowing up an innocent family.
“My poll numbers are dropping faster than Hunter’s whitey tighties when a webcam is near. So I needed to change my image,” Biden said addressing the nation. “I called up the first articulate and clean African-American guy for some advice. And ol’ Barack told me that when he would get depressed after Michelle destroyed in arm-wrestling, he’d start droning people. So I want every damn member of ISIS-K to listen to what I’m about to say: I don’t care how many innocent families I have to drone, I will look tough!”
Then, leaning close to the microphone, Joe Biden gave perhaps his most chilling threat to the terrorist group. “I will not rest until we find ISIS-K. Or until it starts pushing five o’clock.”
In conclusion, Joe Biden informed the world that ‘nobody embarrasses a Biden,’ and he began to walk away from the podium.
Unfortunately, his pants then fell down around his ankles, and he began falling down the steps. He eventually crashed into a large catering table that sent food and his dentures flying across the room.
Softly weeping facedown in a cake with his bare ass exposed to the world, much of the media agreed it was his most presidential performance in weeks.
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