WASHINGTON, DC — When it comes to unity, Joe Biden is on a roll.
In a move that many in Washington are praising, the fictional President has offered to generously hurt the voters of Flordia. Using that classic Biden compassion, he has ordered industrial-sized fans to help Hurricane Ian become even more deadly.
“If these fans hurt just one person it will be worth it. The people of Seattle–errr. Scranton. No. Oh, God love me. You know, the place with the alligators,” Biden said. “Anyways, I want all those fans pointed where the wind is blowing, and I demand those puppies be turned on full blast. We must give this hurricane a chance, dammit!”
Following his decision, it was learned that Biden had made the hurricane’s winds far more lethal. With the fans, hundreds more died and left many Americans demanding answers.
“Uhhh, I only acted on the advice I was given! The guys at FEMA made me do it. There they are!” Biden yelled pointing to schoolchildren touring the White House.
Seemingly not understanding the gravity of the situation, Fox News’, Peter Doocy began describing how many lives his awful decision cost. But a distracted Biden kept looking at his watch.
“Hey Dookie, is this going to take long? I want to go back to sleep,” he said tapping his wrist.
Update: Celebration is in order as Karine Jean-Pierre announced that under President Joe Biden’s leadership, turning off those fans has saved over 400,000 kilowatts.
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